The Yoga rules

By Brandon Johnsonn

At 6'3" with long limbs and a serious lack of flexibility, I never thought I would find myself twisted up in some awkward yoga pose -- especially not Bikram yoga (as if I even knew the difference up until two weeks ago).

But, there I was, 30 minutes into the class, having gone from thinking, "yoga's for girls," to wanting to cry like a little school girl on the inside at that very moment.

I was sweating more than I had ever sweat at any basketball practice, gasping for air more than I had ever "gusped" during any weightlifting workout, and felt like I was literally in hell, given the 100+ degrees and 60% humidity that is standard for Bikram yoga studios.

If it wasn't for my own massive male ego, and seeing a room full of women who had mastered this "little 90 minute morning routine," I would have fallen to the floor and tried to claw my way out of this torture chamber.

Nevertheless, I pressed on. Fortunately, at around the 30-minute mark (my near breaking point), we go from standing/balancing poses (the most demanding part of class) to the lying/sitting poses (the slightly less demanding part of class).

Between the two phases, there is also a two-minute Savasana, which means "corpse pose" (how appropriate), where you lie on your back with your palms facing up like you just fell backwards out of your upstairs window.

Curse the Theory of Relativity!

Of course, these two minutes seemed like about two seconds, and the instructor was already ordering us into the next position.

A few of these were relatively easy (thankfully!), but once we hit the camel pose, it was back to Suckville. This one is where you stand up on your knees with your feet behind you, put your hands on the back of your hips, and bend your head, neck, and body backwards, while thrusting your hips forward.

It may sound simple enough, but something about the upside-down'ness of it, combined with my overwhelming need for oxygen, made me feel like I was going to throw up and pass out all in one graceful motion.

This was the first one I had to "fake it 'til you make it" by just barely tilting my head back and not bending my body much at all.

How Much Longer?!

After that, there's only a few more postures left, none of which are particularly demanding. Of course, for my first time, I had no idea of the order or what terrible nightmare pose could be coming next, which only made it that much harder and more exhausting.

We finished the class with a breathing exercise where you look like you're hyperventilating. You push air out of your lungs, using your diaphragm, at a rapid pace (about two or three times per second).

Imagine the way you breathe on your glasses to fog them up and clean them, then do that multiple times in rapid succession. It was actually surprisingly calming and a nice way to end the class, although I would have just as happily slammed my head through the wall if that was the traditional way of ending the class, anything to make it stop!

Once I limped to my car, dragged up my steps at home, and fell into and out of the shower, I did notice a significant increase in energy, and it felt great to have completed such a hard workout.

Glutton for Punishment

Seeing as I signed up for the unlimited one week trial, I was determined to go every morning since it was my off week from lifting weights, and I wanted to see how quickly I could improve.

The second day was almost as torturous as the first, but I made it a few minutes farther before I entered "schoolgirl mode."

The third day was again insanely hard, but I made it all the way to the camel pose before crapping out.

And, finally, on day four, I made it through the entire 90 minutes, AND successfully completed both full camel poses!

I also noticed for the rest of the week that I could stretch just a little bit farther and bend just a little bit deeper on each posture, so my flexibility was clearly improving.

"I'm melting! I'm melting..."

The one thing I didn't expect, and should have monitored more closely, is losing over 10 pounds in that one week alone! That's a great endorsement for anyone looking to lose weight, but given my Energizer-bunny metabolism, I'm trying to gain weight and muscle, not lose it.

Of course, I wouldn't normally be doing these 90 minute workouts 6 times a week, but it was a unique test for me on my off-week from weightlifting.

Where Are They Now?

I've been doing the classes once a week, on Saturday's, for the past few weeks, and it's a nice way to end a heavy lifting week, stretching and relaxing every muscle in my body.

My only gripe is that the classes are so long. Ninety minutes is a big chunk of time in and of itself, but again with my high metabolic rate, a shorter class would be ideal. I guess "speed yoga" would go against the whole peaceful and mindful aspect of the practice.

Now that the weather is warming up, I still plan on doing Bikram every other week or so on cloudy/rainy days, but when it's nice out, I'll be playing basketball at the park on Saturday's and Sunday's for my weekend cardio.

To Bikram or Not To Bikram

Believe it or not, after all the griping and complaining, I would absolutely recommend trying it out if there's a Bikram yoga studio near you. When I first read about it, I thought it was just some Hollywood thing, so I was surprised to find there was a studio less than five minutes from my house in a shopping center that I'm in at least a few times a month.

If you're into challenging your body and pushing yourself to the limit, Bikram yoga is a great test. They tell the first-timers before class that no matter how tired you get, you should never leave the room. Aside from disturbing others, going from such an extreme environment to the much cooler, dryer lobby will only further shock your body.

Instead, you should just skip a pose or two and lie down on your mat, which at least a few people do in every class. But last week, three different people bolted out of the room throughout the class. It was probably a bit of a domino effect after the first one left, the other two felt less pressure to stay in the room.

Even if you don't want to jump right into the big leagues of Bikram, you could try out some less demanding "normal" yoga classes. A few of the moves and poses are very similar, minus the Sahara desert room of course, but even that is something to experience on its own.

If there was ever a time for the "check with your doctor" disclaimer, it would absolutely be right now! This ain't your Grandma's workout, and I would insist that you ensure you are healthy enough to embark on what will feel like your very last journey.

For more of my Bikram yoga experiences and other fitness adventures, pose your way over to http://www.fitbuff.com